One day in a place filled with rainbows and dead things, an awesome person named Sparky Braginski got pretty bored and started wandering around.
"Where the heck am I?" she asked, half hoping that someone might finally answer.
"You're in Wonderlaaaaaaaand!" chorused two voices, then Val and Amanda jumped out. Val waved and Amanda continued eating a naked mole rat with wings named Perkles. Amanda was wearing a cheese fez, and Sparky decided that it would be for the best not to ask.
"Hi Sparky! We live in Wonderland now. We ate Alice, so... We've kind of taken over. You can tell by the dead stuff surrounding you. We like killing things."
Suddenly a giant wave of darkness cast itself over the sky and they all looked up to see a giant face watching them from above. There was a moment of stunned silence.
"Derek?" They all asked at once. Even Amanda, who had stopped eating Perkles to pay attention.
"I am Master Derek. I'm calling on you Minions because I have a mission for you. My cherry dumples. They've gone missing."
Val turned and whispered in Sparky's ear. "What the heck is a cherry dumple?"
Amanda laughed at them. "How do you not know, you dipperonies? Cherry dumples are, you know, dumples, that are cherry flavoured."
"You aren't helpful."
"SILENCE!" Master Derek's voice boomed across the sky, and a rainbow died.
"NOT THE RAINBOW!" Amanda cried. "EVERY TIME A RAINBOW DIES A PICKLE DIES TOO!" She ran off and hid under the dead rainbow, using its corpse as a comfy cozy blanket.
"Not the pickles!" Val started panicking,
Sparky gave them both weird looks.
"Okay, back to me now, because I'm the best," Master Derek said after watching them oddly for a moment. "Get me back my cherry dumples, and I'll reward you with something awesome."
He disappeared. They all turned to each other.
"What do you think the prize is?" Val asked.
"Oooh! I know! I know! It's DEFINITELY going to be a balloon with his face on it. I just KNOW it," Amanda said as she rolled up the dead rainbow and ate it, storing it for later.
"Why do you eat everything?" Sparky asked. "It's weird and kind of freaking me out."
Amanda spoke in a whisper. "Because Bella's making me."
"No, no, shut up now." Val pointed at the tree next to her. "Is that a cherry dumple tree?"
"I don't know."
"No," Amanda said, "that's a quapple dropple tree. It's for your oozes. You got some oozes, you need to get some quapple dropples."
"You concern me..." Sparky said, taking a little step back.
Val pulled a quapple dropple off the tree and held it near her face. "Is this poisonous?"
"Well, if you don't have the oozes it is."
"Cool." Val put it in her mouth, chewed it, and swallowed. She grinned. "I didn't have the oozes."
And then she passed out.
Sparky stared down at Val, who now was unconscious on the ground, glanced at Amanda, then back at Val. "No. No no no. You cannot leave me with THAT." She pointed to Amanda, who was licking a dead kindergarten unicorn.
"What's wrong with me?" Amanda asked, the dead unicorn kid around after her.
"Good." She kicked Val in the face. "Get up, lazy."
"She's not being lazy, she's unconscious."
"Shhh... Okay, to reverse the effect of the quapple dropples, we need five feather, eight popple seeds - oh, and the feathers HAVE to be purple - you'll also need snail paste, and... let me remember... Oh, right, yes, I remember. You've just got to have those snodgrass pickleweeds. And no, that is not a drug."
"Where are we supposed to get all that stuff?"
"Past the bridge and over yonder... Oh look, she's awake!"
"Hello. I like that word. HELLO. Hello is a brilliant, brilliant word..." Val started rolling around in the grass. "Wheeeeeee! I'm a bowling ball!"
"Aw man. Not you too," Sparky sighed. She turned to Amanda. "Did you become this way because you ate a quapple dropple too?"
"No, I'm just AWESOME."
Val continued rolling around. She disappeared and reappeared, then started biting a tree. She started singing to herself. "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes, bum bum bum, I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves..." She started glowing.
"She's glowing! And floating! Woah! VAL! YOU ARE THE QUEEN OF THE CHERRY DUMPLES!" Amanda shouted.
A huge wave of flying turtles started soaring across the sky, like a big, huge wave of... um... more turtles. A giant portal opened. Val leaped into it and pulled out the cherry dumples.
"I FOUND THEM! CLOSE THE PORTAL!"
And then the Faceless Ones started pouring through.
"We will kill you, Valkyrie, because you killed us."
"What? Since when does this have to be something serious? Can't you just, like, let the grudge go?" Val walked over and wrapped a blue and green polka-dotted scarf around one of the Faceless One's head. "Can't we just, like, get along and have a party or something?"
"MY CHERRY DUMPLES!" Master Derek cried. "I knew you would find them!" He took them from Val, then stomped on them.
Sparky stared. "We went through all that effort so you could SMASH them?"
When Derek moved his foot away Amanda lunged at the ground and started eating the smushed cherry dumples.
"It seems it is time for your reward..." Derek pulled out a giant balloon with his face on it.
"I KNEW IT!" Amanda screeched.
"Yay! BALLOON!" Val cheered. "Time for a dance party with the Faceless Ones!"
And then they all did what Val said: they had a dance party with the Faceless Ones.
And at the very end, as Sparky, Val, and Amanda were walking away, their Derek balloon popped.