Monday, November 19, 2012

The Adventures of Val and Derek

Although most of you have read this already, here is the first three chapters of the story I'm writing for when I meet Derek in Ireland.

Chapter One

Valkyrie V. frowned. She had been sitting in her room, reading, and suddenly, as if she had blinked, she was here. Wherever 'here' was. There were trees. There were some leaves on the ground. There was a scary looking unicorn sitting in front of her. There was... Wait a second. There was a UNICORN sitting in front of her. It was purple. It was giant. It had red eyes, and shadows swirling around its horn. And it was almost as if there was a rainbow trailing behind it.

Val stared. “What?... WHAT?

She heard a rustling behind her and whirled around. The bush behind her parted and she had to lunge to the side to avoid being trampled by a second unicorn that had just arrived. It looked like someone had been riding it, from what she had seen. She heard some shouting, a weird horse noise, another shout, and another horse noise. The two unicorns dashed off, kicking up dirt behind them.

Dusting herself off, Val got up slowly, in complete and utter shock of what was happening. She tried to blink her focus back, and could only barely manage to pay attention to anything when she heard a groan beside her.

Val walked over to where the man who had groaned was. She helped him up. “Excuse me, but do you have any idea what...” She trailed off and stared. “DEREK?”

“Yes?” Derek Landy answered.

Val stared.

“Who might you be?”

Val stared.

“Uh... Are you okay?”

Val stared.

He waved his hand in front of her. “Er... Hello?”

She blinked. “So... You're... You're DEREK LANDY?”

“Yes, yes I am,” he said with a smile. “And I'm awesome, but I'm sure you already know that. Who are you?”

“Uh... I'm... I'm...” She couldn't think. Everything was a bit too confusing right now. “Oh, wait, I remember! I'm Valkyrie V., from your Blog! The crazy one who had a party for you!”

It was Derek's turn to look stunned. “Ivy?”

Val nodded, a grin on her face. She thought for a moment. “Wait... Were you just riding a unicorn?”

Derek thought about it for a second, trying to remember. “Yes,” he decided. “Yes I was.”

Val arched an eyebrow. “Impressive.”

“Well, I AM amazing.” After a few moments they both frowned.

“How did we get here?” they asked in unison, taking a slightly more detailed observation of the place. It was some sort of forest, that was for sure. And it was pretty dark, so it was probably night. As for where they were, they hadn't the slightest idea.

“Maybe we're in another dimension,” Val suggested. “You know, like in Kingdom of the Wicked.”

“No, that couldn't have happened,” Derek said, thinking about it. “We would've had to have been near each other if we were to shunt at the same time. Or we'd need to be sent directly by a Dimensional Shunter. And I know I wasn't.”

“Neither was I.”

“Maybe we teleported here, then.”

“But wouldn't we need TWO Teleporters? If we both got sent at the same time, in different spots, that wouldn't be possible with one. We'd need one to send you, and one to send me. There's only one Teleporter left, and he's, well, an idiot.”

“Well done,” Derek nodded. “My brilliant books have taught you well. Is there any other ways you can think of?”

“Not at the moment, no.” Val looked around. “I wonder if there's anyone else here. Maybe we could ask them. Unless they're evil. Then we should hide or something.”

“Or we could fight them.”

“I doubt we have magic or anything.”

“Ah, good point.” The both paused, then grinned. Focusing, the clicked their fingers.


They had just generated a spark by clicking their fingers.

“Okay,” Val said, a grin clear on her face, “fighting them is now an option.”

Using their flames as light, they wandered around a little. There had to be SOMEONE around. Wherever they were, there had to be some sort of person for them to talk to.

Val pushed aside some bushes and tried to peer into the dark behind it. Nothing there. She sighed. “Are you finding anything yet?”

“No,” Derek replied, turning away from the bush he was observing, “but that's probably because it's only been about five minutes.”

“Five minutes too long,” Val muttered.

Derek looked at her. “You really have no patience.”

She shrugged. They heard a scream behind them and whirled around.

“Hide!” Val said quickly.

They looked around for a place to hide. In the dark, all they could really see was trees and bushes. Putting out their flames, they started climbing the tree. After a bit of difficulty, they both managed to find a way to keep themselves balanced,

A figure came into view beneath them. It was hard to see, but from what they could gather, the figure looked like a purple octopus. In a forest. Running in a way that would remind someone of the word 'squiggly'.
“The Ninjas!” the octopus thing cried. “The Ninjas are coming! They have the lizard as a hostage! Everybody, RUN!”

There was silence, and nobody ran, because there was no one there to run. The octopus gave an exasperated sigh, then looked directly at Val and Derek.

“I told you, RUN!”

They glanced at each other. There was no use trying to hide if the octopus thing already knew they were there. Moving quickly, Val and Derek began their climb down.

However, they must have been moving a little TOO quickly, because Val lost her grip and slipped out of the tree, hitting every branch on the way down. Groaning, she saw Derek arching an eyebrow at her.

“Wow,” he said. “You must really be a fan of the books.”

“Trust me,” Val told him as her helped her up, “I am.”

Chapter Two

As far as Val and Derek could tell, the squiggly run was the only way the octopus could move around. It was taking all of their self control to keep from laughing as they followed.

Despite the fact that they were supposed to be running for their lives, apparently, Val and Derek only had to walk at a normal pace to keep up with the squiggly run. Either way, walking three hours was still exhausting.

They didn't really have any idea what time it was when they arrived, but now it was light out, so it was probably around six in the morning or so. They finally saw what looked like it could be a community in the distance. Val practically squealed with joy at the sight.

“Can we stop there? Is that where we're stopping?” she asked.

The octopus thing didn't answer.

“Hey, are we going to stop there?” Derek asked.

Still, no answer.

Val turned around. “Hey, where'd that squiggly guy go?”

“What do you mean? It's right...” He trailed off, looking around. They stopped walking, and looked around. After about a minute and a half, they stopped and turned to each other.

“How did we just LOSE somebody?” Derek asked slowly.

“I really, really don't know,” Val answered.

There was an awkward silence.

“Well, I guess we should keep going,” Derek said.

“Right. Yes. Okay.” Val nodded, and followed Derek as he continued forward.

As they approached the city-like place, they noticed how small it really was. Literally. The buildings, at the most, were about three metres tall, and the majority of them were even smaller. A group of tiny cat people swarmed them.

“Ah!” Val shrieked. “Tiny cat people! They're stabbing my feet!”

“Calm down,” Derek said. He picked one of them up. It was small enough to fit in the palm of his hand. 

“Look, see, it's not that-” He dropped it. “OW! It bit me!”

They started kicking them away, with the occasional stomp. After all the creepy little cat things were scattered and moaning, they cautiously continued forward. Approaching a building, Derek bent down to knock on the door. A face appeared at the window that was level with his eye. The tiny thing shrieked in terror.

“Eeeeek! It's a giant alien eye! Like from Doctor Who! Ahhhhhh!”

Derek frowned. “I'm not the Atraxi.”

The thing, that looked like a miniature walking fish, shook its head. “You lie! You lie! I will tell the Doctor about this! I will, I will!”

“Geez... Repetitive much?”

“Whoa, wait. You know the Doctor?” Val asked.

“OF COURSE!” the fish shrieked, exasperated. “I'm going to call him RIGHT NOW! I will report the threat posed by the Atraxi, and -”

Another fish person came out ans whispered into the first one's ear. The first one scowled. At least, that's what Val and Derek could gather from the facial expressions of a fish.

“Well,” the fish growled, “it appears the Doctor has gone off to stop the world from ending again. It ALSO appears that you AREN'T the Atraxi. I guess you're just boring old humans. Bah. That's LAME.”

“We aren't lame,” Derek pointed out. “I mean, at least we have LIMBS. And FINGERS. And decent sized brains. Oh, and I know for a fact that I'm amazing.”

“And we have, you know, magical powers and stuff,” Val added. “Just to let you know.”

The fish stared, making a startled fish impression. Which isn't too descriptive, on account of the fact that that was what it was. And the previous sentence didn't make much sense either, but whatever.

“You people have MAGIC?” it practically squeaked.

“Uh, yeah.”

“I must go tell the queen of this news, I must, I must!” The fish ran off, leaving Val and Derek standing there, confused.

“Is getting the queen a good or a bad thing?” Val asked.

“I actually don't know,” Derek admitted. “But they're fish people, y'know? I'm sure we could step on her if we need it.”

Val laughed. The fish person came back out, followed by a man in a poofy pink dress. Val and Derek stared.

“THRASHER?!” they exclaimed in shock.

“That's QUEEN Thrasher to you!” Thrasher shouted. He frowned. “Valkyrie?”

“Um... hi. Where's Scapegrace?”

“He, well, she, doesn't seem to like me very much. I think he-she is just jealous because I'm royalty now. But don't think I'm saying anything bad about Master Scapegrace, I just -”

“Okay, that's quite enough of that now,” Derek interrupted. “I can see why Scapegrace found you irritating.”

“Remember, Derek, you're the one who made him up,” Val pointed out to him.

“I was made up?” Thrasher squeaked.

“Well, you're the one who made him a bit annoying just now,” Derek replied to Val, ignoring Thrasher.

“I'm annoying?” Thrasher asked.

“Very,” Val answered. “Also, I suppose you ARE right about me making him a tad annoying just now, but that's because the class the real me is sitting in while writing this is boring, and the real me just noticed this sentence is a bit confusing at this point and that she should probably stop writing it.”

She finished her sentence and frowned. “I am so odd sometimes...”

“I can agree with that,” said a velvety voice from behind them.

Val and Derek spun around to see who was standing there. They couldn't help but stare.


“Hello, Valkyrie, hello, Derek,” Skulduggery Pleasant said. “I can't help but wonder: how did you get here?”

Chapter Three

Neither of them answered. It was Skulduggery. For real. And it was absolutely impossible to do anything but stare. Finally, Derek came back to his senses.

“Uh... We don't know how we got here,” Derek told Skulduggery. “Maybe it was a Dimensional Shunter.”

“That's what I was thinking,” Skulduggery replied. “However, I can't remember any time that could've happened, unless the Shunter figured out some way to send people without them being aware. Do you remember anything odd happening before you got here?”

“Not exactly. I remember reading some of the Minion's crazy comments on my Blog, and then I went to feed my dogs, and then I was trying to think of some other way to delay writing, but I blinked and ended up on a unicorn and found Val.”

“Interesting,” Skulduggery said, nodding. He turned to Val. “And you?”

Val finally managed to stop staring. “Uh... I was sitting in my room, at the computer, delaying writing by commenting on Derek's Blog, and at the same time I was reading one of my SP books, then, like Derek said – I blinked and here I was. Which was a bit of a bad idea, blinking. There could've been a Weeping Angel in the room.” She paused. “Are you really standing there? Like, for real? Or am I going mad?”

Skulduggery tilted his head. “Valkyrie, dear, you've been mad for quite some time now. Remember?”

“Oh. Right.”

“However, on the topic of your arrivals, I haven't the slightest idea how you got here.”

“What were YOU doing before you got here?” Derek asked Skulduggery.

Skulduggery thought for a moment. “I was about to punch a Necromancer in the face,” he answered. “I hope my fist connected with them before I ended up here. Otherwise my code would've sounded a tad ridiculous. Well, more ridiculous than before.”

Thrasher, whom they had completely forgotten about, asked, “What code are you talking about? I can keep secrets, if your code is a secret. Well, Master Scapegrace doesn't think I can, but-”

“But the sparrow flies south for winter,” Val said, and punched him in the face. Thrasher did a little twirl before he fell over. The fish people made a Fergus-like face at her. Skulduggery's expression was unreadable, on account of the fact that he didn't have a face, but Derek was grinning.

“Awesome,” he said.

“OUR QUEEN!” the fish people shrieked in horror. “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!”

“Er... Helped him take a nap?” Val tried.

GET THEM!” the leader screeched, and the fish charged at them.

The fish were very brutal with their attacks. They kept on throwing punches, and biting, and trying to tackle Skulduggery, Val, and Derek to the ground.

In other words, the fish continuously flopped their fins against them, attempting to clamp their toothless mouths on their shoes, and kept flinging their flimsy fish bodies at feet.

“This is upsettingly pathetic,” Skulduggery remarked, shaking his head.

“We should leave,” Derek commented, kicking away a few of the harmless yet irritating fish people.

Turning to leave, Skulduggery and Derek walked off the way cool people did in movies, but Val had to use all of her self control NOT to skip and start singing, “We're off to see the Wizard” from the Wizard of Oz.

The three of them walked about five miles through the forest without finding any sort of civilization. There had been a few brief conversations between them, a couple of murmurs, but for the most part they had travelled in silence.

Val, who was by far the most irritated by this ridiculously long walk, asked, “Are we there yet?”

“No,” Derek answered, also bothered by the trip.

Val groaned. “I hate walking. It's so boring. And tiring.”

“Not all the time,” Skulduggery countered, watching a tree as he walked past it. “You can admire the scenery.”

She frowned. “Do you even GET tired? Like, is that even possible? You don't, do you? That's not fair.” She turned to Derek. “Can he get tired?”

“Why should I know?”

“You created him.”

“Oh. Yeah. Let me think about it.” He turned to Skulduggery. “Do you get tired?” he asked in a whisper.

“Not necessarily,” Skulduggery whispered back.

“Okay, okay, I heard your conversation,” Val said. “So this entire trip is completely unfair for Skulduggery.”

Skulduggery paused. “Valkyrie, does the word 'patience' mean anything to you?”

Val was about to answer but Derek hushed her. “Do you hear that?



“You really aren't being descriptive enough here.”

“And you really aren't paying attention.” He pointed to the giant green monster coming right at them. “That.”

She stared. “Oh. Right. That.”

“I apologise for disrupting your bickering,” Skulduggery interrupted, “but I feel we should probably get out of the way.”

They all dodged to the side as it barrelled past. The monster looked around, saw it hadn't trampled them, and turned on its heel, searching for the three people standing there. The monster stared them dead in the eyes.

“Well,” Skulduggery said slowly, “this is just DANDY.”

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Chapter Three

EDIT: I had to change it; I couldn't write it and I needed to do something. So, most of it's the same, but sadly, no troll. Don't worry, though - I'll make up for it with awesome in Chapter Four.

Chapter Three: Bits and Pieces

Being forced to run into the area of trees, they found that it proved itself to be much larger than they expected. That was good and bad. It was good because they had more space to hide. It was bad because they had a worse chance of getting out alive.
Hearing footsteps behind them, Ivy and Anomaly climbed up a tree to hide.
“I hate you,” Ivy muttered, glaring as she climbed on to a branch she could balance herself on.
“Quiet,” Anomaly snapped. She hated being so rude to someone quite as scary as Ivy, but she didn't have much of a choice. By the look on Ivy's face, she was clearly displeased about being told what to do, but shut up anyway.
The man who had tried to blow them up ran by, and stopped under the tree they were hiding in. Casting a quick yet nervous glance at each other, Anomaly and Ivy tried their best to be absolutely silent. With him almost directly beneath them, they could get a better look at the man. He was tall, with shaggy black hair that hung long and messy at his shoulders. His chin was covered in stubble, and he looked dirty, like he hadn't bathed for days. It was a bit gross. On his back, his bow was strapped on next to a pouch of arrows. From his pocket he withdrew a crumpled piece of paper.
Reading from it, he said, “Ivy Animosity and Anomaly Despair, you are under arrest for the murder of Cimmerian Cantrip by the authority of the Ascendancy. You have five minutes to turn yourselves in. After that, you're on the death sentence. Oh, and don't bother trying to lie by saying you didn't commit the crime. Your time starts now.”
Anomaly turned to stare at Ivy and mouthed the words, “You killed Cimmerian Cantrip?”
Ivy shook her head, and silently mouthed back, “I didn't kill him. Why would you suspect me for doing that?” She paused for a moment. “Never mind.”
“You're absolutely positive you didn't kill him?”
“I didn't kill him!” Ivy whispered, exasperated. Anomaly shook her head at Ivy for blowing their cover. The man below them looked up, put his hand in his pocket, pulled out a picture, examined it, put the picture away, and got his bow ready to fire.
Ivy frowned. “Wait, did you just pull out a picture of us to make sure you had the right people?”
“Yes,” the man answered.
“Oh my God, that's creepy. How did you even get that picture? Is there some secret stalker following us around? We just met each other yesterday, and already you have a stalker photo of us. I am thoroughly concerned.”
“You,” he said, “are an interesting little girl.”
Before Ivy could go into the angry rant that Anomaly knew would come, she interrupted, “You said the Ascendancy sent you?”
“I did.”
“And who exactly sent you after us?”
“Saturnine Morose.”
Anomaly stopped talking. “Oh, hell.”
“I'm afraid I have to cut this conversation short,” he said, and prepared his bow to fire.
“Move!” Anomaly shouted to Ivy, and they both leaped out of the tree as one of the explosive arrows – which clearly reacted much faster than the one earlier – detonated where they had been sitting only moments before. Losing time due to the fact that they both had to scramble to their feet after the fall, Anomaly and Ivy took off running again.
Ivy stopped suddenly. Anomaly whirled around. “Come on!”
“I may not have murdered Centurion Catnip or whatever,” Ivy said, “but that doesn't mean I can't kill him.”
“Don't!” Anomaly shouted. “You don't have to!”
But it was too late. Running back towards the man, Ivy lunged at him, yanked one of his arrows free and stabbed it through his heart. Sprinting back towards Anomaly, she caught up with her and leaped into a bush to avoid the bloody pieces of flesh that exploded from where the man had been standing. Once it had finished raining down bits and pieces of him, Ivy stepped out from where she was to see Anomaly glaring at her with such anger it was almost scary.
“You didn't have to kill him!” Anomaly shouted, seething with anger.
“He was going to kill us,” Ivy snapped. “And I for one don't appreciate that prospect.”
“He wasn't going to be able to kill us and you know it! You knew that even if he had really been trying, he wouldn't have done it! You knew that killing him in such a brutal way was unnecessary! And then you did it anyway!”
Ivy didn't say anything for a moment. “I don't care what you think about that,” she practically growled. “In my mind, it was necessary. I see things differently than you. And you don't have the right to say that you see everything the right way. Being right, in our current manner of speaking, is a matter of opinion. And in my opinion, I made the correct choice.”
Neither of them said anything. They fell into an eerie silence. After what seemed like forever, Anomaly said, “Let's go. We shouldn't stay near murder scenes. Particularly ones where there's bits and pieces scattered everywhere.”
Ivy and Anomaly walked back out the way they had come in silence. Anomaly wandered around where they were. She had teleported them to the first place she thought of, and was trying to figure out where the were, just for the hell of it. Bored, Ivy sat in the grass, not really caring much that it was soaking wet.
“I think we're somewhere in Seattle,” Anomaly said, coming back towards Ivy. “Although, I could be completely wrong, so don't trust that assumption.”
“Wasn't planning on it,” Ivy muttered, inspecting a blade of grass. She tossed the grass aside and looked up. “So, who's this Centurion Catnip or whatever we're being accused of murdering?”
“Cimmerian Cantrip,” Anomaly corrected. “He's one of the oldest sorcerers around, and legend says he actually discovered magic. Whether or not that's true, he was definitely very old and extremely powerful. He could stop either of us pretty easily, and that's saying something.”
“So Catnip was legendary?” Ivy asked. “Damn it. That would've been cool if we had killed him. Then I could be like, 'Oh, I killed a legendary guy' to everyone, and then I'd be even scarier, and...” She trailed off. “Stop giving me the disapproving look.”
“Stop giving me the psychotic teenager look.”
Ivy laughed. “Anyway, you seemed pretty shocked when he told you who was behind all this. Who was that? Saturn Rose or something like that?”
“You're good with remembering details, but my God, you are terrible names. Saturnine Morose. She's... She hates me. A lot. And she must hate you, too, if she's blaming you for this.”
“I can't imagine why anyone would hate me, though. I'm too awesome to hate. I can't remember meeting her, but as you pointed out, I'm rubbish with names. What's she look like?”
“Kind of brownish-red hair, green eyes, gives off the radiance that screams crazy... Pretends to be friendly, but is very unsettling. Ringing any bells?”
Ivy thought for a moment. “Oh! Her. Yeah, I think she hired me to kill a few people. I didn't pay attention to her name because I was thinking about how much I wanted some cookies. Because, really, you just can't beat cookies. Come to think of it, that's why I was out yesterday. Not for cookies, though. To kill those people. That's when I met you.” She frowned. “You know, it's almost as if she-”
“Almost as if she planned it,” Anomaly finished. “Which means that she wanted us to meet.”
“But why? I don't like you.”
“You're so kind.”
“What's the Ascendancy?” Ivy asked. “They were mentioned. In the way that it was used, it seemed to be some fancy government authority thing I have a tendency not to like. Saturnine Morose works for them, right? At least, that's what I could gather with what happened in that conversation. So what is it?”
“I am amazed you remembered all that. Congratulations. The Ascendancy,” Anomaly continued, “is kind of like the cops of the magical world. They elect leaders, enforce officers, hire rubbish detectives... All the usual boring operations of an organization. And yes, Saturnine does appear to work for them now. Which I personally didn't expect to ever happen in a million years, but apparently, I was wrong.”
“How very interesting,” Ivy said nonchalantly as she stood up. She frowned. “Wait a second... If that guy was meant to kill us, and Saturnine Morose wanted us dead so badly she sent some guy to blow us up in broad daylight, don't you think she'll send someone else? I haven't really met her, but from what I know of her, she seems like the crazy type of person. Am I right?”
“You are,” Anomaly agreed. “But I doubt she'll be able to know immediately.”
“She might have spies watching us,” Ivy suggested.
Anomaly shrugged. “That's true, but don't you think they already would have-” She glanced behind her and looked at Ivy. “Do you hear that?”
“Hear what?”
She listened. “That.”
Ivy growled. “I hate when people do that, they ask if you hear something and then you ask, and they don't even give a bloody answer...”
“Hey, now, shut up.” Ivy was about to shout something back, but Anomaly shushed her. They heard a few faint noises from behind them that sounded vaguely like clicking. They glanced at each other, and Anomaly started to move off towards the noise, leaving Ivy standing there.
“You coming?” Anomaly asked, stopping, and turned to look at Ivy.
“Why should I?” Ivy responded. “I don't go into someone else's mess. And being hunted down is certainly your mess. You knew Saturnine, after all. That means she's trying to get you.”
“And you, now,” Anomaly reminded her. “Listen, Ivy, this isn't my fault here. Now, I don't know what Saturnine has against you, but it must be something if she wanted to get us together to kills us.”
“But doesn't that mean I should stay away from you, then?”
“Of course not. Saturnine thinks she's going to kill us easily, but we both know that's not going to happen. So why not make it harder by fighting back? It'll be fun, like one of those adventure movies or something. Completely ridiculous, yet oddly entertaining.”
“What if I don't want to go on an adventure?”
“I could always just arrest you on the spot.”
“Hand cuffs are pathetic.”
“Not the ones that make you unable to do magic.”
Ivy shrugged. “I guess adventures might be fun.”
Anomaly grinned. “Cool. Now then, let's see what's making that obnoxious noise.”

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Chapter Two

Chapter Two: Questions and Explosions

Once Anomaly had teleported back to her house – she needed to make a quick getaway – she got changed and tossed her wet clothes in the dryer. Thinking over the events of the night, she let out a sigh. That was eventful. She got rained on. She poked a dead guy. She had been attacked by a crazy, psychotic teenager. Loads of fun.

Although, to correct her own sarcasm, being kicked wasn't quite so fun. Anomaly put a hand to her ribs and winced. Using one of possibly the most helpful skills of all time, her hand glowed for a moment, fixing most of the damage done, with the price of making her a bit more exhausted than before. She was pretty sure that girl, Ivy Animosity or whatever, had broken at least one of them. How come she was so strong? And how come she had more than one type of magic? She had used magic to move so quickly and to teleport. She should have only been able to do one, if any at all. Not everyone knew about magic, and not everyone who knew about it could use it. In fact, hardly anyone had any magic these days.

But if this girl knew how to use magic, and had more than one power, then that could only mean one thing – she was one of the Seven Sorcerers. Anomaly tried to picture them in her head. The blonde girl who looked around twenty, the man with the silver hair and silver eyes, the woman with one blue and one green eye, that one guy who always wore way to much hair gel, that other guy who was always with the hair gel one, and Anomaly. That was six. She tried to remember the last time one of them died and if it was any time recently. She was supposed to know all of this information about the Seven Sorcerers; the boring and dull tales of their advantages and their “world-changing” decisions and their deaths. Anomaly had never really been good at that sort of thing. She always let her mind wander.

Figuring she probably wouldn't think of it any time soon, Anomaly walked to her living room and, groaning because of her still slightly injured rib, looked through her overly-filled bookshelf. She started scanning the titles on there. Harry Potter, Skulduggery Pleasant, The History of the Seven Sorcerers...

Arching an eyebrow at how clearly there was no effort put into keeping the book secret, she pulled the massive, textbook-like book from the shelf. As boring as the book may be, at least there was one cool part about it – the book automatically updated itself on the deaths of Sorcerers. Opening it up to the introduction, she began scanning the words printed on the page.

The Seven Sorcerers are the seven most powerful people in the world, surpassing the regular level sorcerers throughout the rest of the world that knew about magic. While a normal sorcerer only has one selected discipline of magic, the Seven Sorcerers have multiple, and no one knows quite how many powers they can have. This book contains the history and legends of them, and separates the myth from fact, written in the most...

Bored of that, she decided to skip to the last page and see the most recent death. About 13 years ago.
That was it, then. Ivy Animosity was the Seventh Sorcerer. A crazy, demented, assassin, and to top it all off she was a teenage girl. Great. That could only mean one thing:
Anomaly had a new enemy.

* * *

The next morning, once Anomaly woke up, she realised that she couldn't find her phone. Frowning, she started searching through her house, only to remember she had left it at that place last night. Scowling, she figured she should call in to tell them she left it, but decided that it would be a difficult task without a phone to call them with.

After getting dressed, she pulled her boots on, grabbed a jacket and left, locking the door behind her. She may as well leave early if she was going to leave at all, otherwise she'd be called on to go find somebody or stop some random bad guy without having any time to do what she needs. She got in her car, started the ignition, and drove off.

20 minutes later she pulled into a parking spot and got out. Putting up her hood to avoid what seemed to be never ending rain, Anomaly walked over to the gleaming front doors of the building she had visited the previous night. Today there were many people wandering in the entry room, and after waiting for two people to be finished talking she approached the front desk.

The woman sitting there today looked to be in her mid twenties, with long blonde hair and brown eyes. She looked up from the computer and smiled at Anomaly. “Can I help you?”

“Yes, actually,” Anomaly answered. “Is Violet here?”

“You're talking to me now,” the woman said, and laughed. Anomaly looked confused. She saw the look on Anomaly's face and blinked. “Oh!” she replied, understanding. “You mean the other Violet! She's in the back. I'll go get her.”

Violet got up to go find Violet so Anomaly could talk to Violet. Anomaly took a second to think over that thought for a moment, and couldn't help but grin.

Violet – the one Anomaly had been looking for – came out and smiled. “Hi!”

“Hello,” Anomaly responded politely. “I was wondering if you had seen my phone anywhere around here. I'm fairly certain I left it last night, and I kind of need it back...”

“Oh!” she exclaimed, like she knew that this would happen. Which was understandable, in terms of the circumstances, but something about it unnerved Anomaly for a reason she didn't know. Violet reached into the desk, pulled out Anomaly's phone and handed it back to her. “Here you go.”

“Thanks,” Anomaly murmured, and stuck it in her pocket. There was something different about it – she had noticed in the split second when it was being handed to her – but decided not to say anything about it. Turning away, she walked outside and inspected it. It was clean. Cleaner than she had left it. Almost as though someone had carefully tried to remove the fingerprints.

All right, that meant someone had used it. And, at a guess, that person was Violet. Just as Anomaly was about to get in her car, to leave and try to think of some way to investigate that a bit more, she noticed something familiarly creepy in her peripheral vision. Looking to the street in front of her, she saw Ivy Animosity, leaning against the side of a building, sticking to the more shadowy areas. She looked like she was playing Angry Birds on her phone. And then, as if she knew she was being observed, she looked up, grinning, and gave Anomaly a little wave. She vanished.

Anomaly spun around instantly, and leaped back just in time to avoid the knife Ivy tried to jab into her. Scowling, Ivy folded the knife and stuck it back in her pocket. She crossed her arms.

“Are you deliberately trying to make it difficult to kill you?” Ivy asked, sighing.

“Maybe,” Anomaly said, then thought about it. “Actually, you know what? Yes. I am deliberately trying to make it difficult.”

“But why? I mean, really, if I want you dead, you're supposed to be dead. So you know what my question is now?”


“Why aren't you dead yet?”

“I'll be honest here – I could've guessed that question.”

“I know,” Ivy answered. “I made it obvious.” She paused for a moment, her indigo eyes focused on the ground. She sighed again and looked up. “Are you ready to die yet?”

Anomaly gave her a weird look. “Do you really expect me to answer yes? For God's sake, learn to have some patience.”

It was Ivy's turn to frown. “But... I don't like being patient.”

“Well, you should try it some time. It might be useful.”

“I can't see how that would be –“ She stopped. “You know what, I think I'm going to cut this conversation short. Just let me kill you and this'll be finished already.”

Ivy lunged at her and Anomaly instinctively teleported to get away. She succeeded in the teleporting part. The getting away part, on the other hand, was a different story. Ivy had barely made contact with her before Anomaly left, but it was enough to bring Ivy along, and her momentum caused her to crash into Anomaly and send them both sprawling.

Moving quickly to get away from Ivy, Anomaly stood up and took a split second to observe her surroundings. Grass. Some trees in the distance. Great. No hiding places. She tried to dodge but wasn't fast enough to prevent Ivy from kicking her feet out from under her. Ivy leaped up and was about to throw her knife at Anomaly when it suddenly dropped from her hand and flew into Anomaly's as she got up. Ivy glared and took a few steps back, increasing the distance between them.

“Give it back,” Ivy growled.

Anomaly looked at the knife in her hand. It had a black blade and looked exceptionally sharp. Being quick but cautious, she folded the knife and put it in her pocket. “I think I'll keep it. You know, to keep you from killing people with it.”

“Well, that's just rude. I don't go around stealing people's things. You're mean.”

“You go around killing people and you're telling me I'm the rude one?”

Starting towards her, Ivy started to say, “Just shut up and give that back” when an arrow cut through the space between them. It hit the tree on the far side of them.

Ivy stared at Anomaly, Anomaly stared at Ivy, they both turned to stare at the arrow, each other, and then at the arrow again. There was a note tied to it. Glancing at each other once again, they both ran over to the arrow. Unwrapping the note that had been attached, Ivy read it aloud.

“Animosity and Despair, you make a lovely pair. Have fun being in one piece, because you'll soon be all over the place.” She paused for a moment. "Well, that's dumb. They didn't even make the whole thing a rhyme. I know that the Animosity part is me. Would that make the Despair part you?"

“Yeah, that's me," Anomaly said slowly. “Is it just me, or is that a blinking red light coming from the arrow?”

Ivy looked at it and didn't look away. “Oh. I think that's a blinking red light. I also happen to think that this note is a fancy way of explaining that this is a bomb and it's meant to blow us up.”

“I'm going to have to agree with you on that,” she nodded. “I'm also going to say we should probably move now, and should probably stop wasting our time with this entirely pointless conversation.”

“I agree,” Ivy said, and they both lunged out of the way as it blew up.

They fell to the ground from the impact of the explosion, though neither of them were badly injured. Wood was falling all over the place from the giant tree the arrow had been in contact with, and the larger branches kept threatening to land on them. Ivy was trying to say something, pointing in the distance. Anomaly turned in time to see someone walked towards them, another arrow ready to fire. Anomaly grabbed Ivy's arm and hauled her out of the way of a branch, which was pierced by the incoming arrow. Pulling Ivy to her feet, Anomaly urged her to move. Ivy pulled her arm free and Anomaly whirled around to face her.

“Why are you helping me?” she asked, staring Anomaly dead in the eyes.

“Don't question it now – just run!”

Tuesday, October 23, 2012


Well, well, well. It appears I have finished chapter two of my Ivy story. It's called Questions and Explosions, which might hint at the chapter itself, but, you know, whatever.

However, I'm doubting whether or not to let you read it yet, because I'm not sure if I like it yet. I will say this, though - it is absolutely NOTHING like the old version of the story, which is good, I suppose, that way you don't already know what'll happen.

So, do you wanna read it? Do you? Hmmm?

Thursday, September 13, 2012

The oh-so-fun Joys of Being in my Orchestra Class

 Well then, today was eventful. I mean, if you consider hatred and glaring plotting revenge as eventful.
Because I'm bored, I will type this matter out in story form. Anyway, whether you end up reading this or not, I will tell you about my orchestra class today.

Orchestra class is fun. I like playing my instrument. It's a little relaxing, and I can let my mind wander when I'm playing a song. And there's no homework for that class. However, when you're stuck in a room with someone you utterly despise, it kind of puts a damper on the enjoyment.
This year, my orchestra teacher – who is a tad crazy, but easy to get along with – decided to bring in one of the substitute teachers we've had as an assistant. Quite honestly, this didn't exactly bother me. She was fine as a sub. She was a smidge annoying, yeah, but all subs are that way, so I didn't hold it against her.
I do now.
School's only been in a few weeks so far, and in those few weeks, I have learned to hate this woman. She's awful. I hope you never have to meet her, and if you do, I am really, truly sorry for you. The worst part is, she thinks she's nice. She thinks we like her. And before any of us even did anything on the second day, she gave us this ridiculously long lecture on how disrespectful we are, and how she hates when she gets eye rolls, and she went on about how teenage girls were disrespectful to everyone. That, for one thing, made me irritated. It made everyone irritated. Even the guys in the class. And my friend talked back to her about how she wasn't being fair, and the teacher got angry.
Anyway, now that you know a bit how terrible she is, here's what happened today.
It was 1:20 or so, and orchestra ended at 1:30. We all end up packing up at 1:25. So as a joke, a couple of kids said, “Oh, look, it's time to pack up.”
The sub, who I will refer to from now on as Ms Jerkface, looked at the clock. “It is not,” she said, shooting a glare at a few of the students. She forced a smile onto her face. “Since we still have time, what song should we play now?”
We all suggested a song called 'The Creepy Crawl'. She agreed to let us play it, since it's the only one we know so far and can play it fast. Besides, it's creepy. Of course we wanted to play it. (Mind you, throughout the entire class I'm fairly certain there was a look of hostility towards her. Being in the same room made me want to hit someone.)
One we had played it, it was only about a minute later. She looked through the music.
“Okay, let's play this song,” she said, and showed us which one to pick up. A few kids did, but not most of us.
So, obviously, the teachers – both of them – went into a rant about how we're disrespectful, we need to follow rules to succeed, etcetera etcetera. When they had finished, it was 1:25.
“Okay, so time to play that song now,” Ms Jerkface said. No one moved. She frowned. I raised my hand and she pointed to me, so I spoke.
“You know,” I said, “it's time to pack up now.”
She stared, then gave a crazy laugh, while taking a step towards me. “If I had a nickle for Every time one of you kids said it was time to pack up, I'd be a millionare by now! A billionare!
She laughed at her own joke. Nobody else did.
“No, really, it's time to pack up,” I insisted. I pointed. “Look at the clock. It's time to get ready to go.”
At this point, the class had gone silent and was watching the conversation.
“I don't want to look at the clock,” Ms Jerkface practically sneered.
I bristled. “Well, we would've had time to play if you hadn't been talking for the last five minutes.”
She stared at me as if I'd just done something so incredibly awful that the very world would split in two because of it. There was a silence. It was all so very dramatic.
I shrugged, which didn't exactly match the look of sheer hatred on my face. “I'm just saying.”
“Well, I don't care what you have to say,” she snarled.
All the eyes in the room shifted from her, to me, to her again. Even the regular teacher looked surprised.
There was a silence, and I'm sure at this point I looked quite hostile indeed. I'm not a good person when I'm angry.
“Well, that's rude,” one of the girls next to me muttered.
“That's the problem with teenagers!” Ms Jerkface exclaimed, exasperated. “You're always dying to get the last word!”
I shut my mouth, glaring, because I knew that if I retorted this would get out of hand and I'd get in a ton of trouble. She smiled a little, as if she had won the argument. But as she kept eye contact with me, I could tell she knew she hadn't by the way her face started to slacken. There was no way I was going to look away first. She looked away.
And do you know what she said after that? Do you?
“Time to play the song.”
So, clenching my bow so tightly that it could've snapped, I slammed it down onto the strings of my cello and played the stupid song.
When we finally did get to pack up, everyone in the cello section blinked at me.
“The teacher is terrible,” they all muttered.
“Uh... are you okay?” someone asked.
I turned around, put on a smile and said, “Of course I'm okay. I just want to throttle the teacher and beat her with a shovel. I'm just dandy.”

And then, as we were walking out the door, to make things so much more fun, Ms Jerkface said, “See? You still had time to pack up.”

Sunday, August 19, 2012


It's a SURPRISE! Actually, no, not really, but I'll pretend it is!

And the surprise is...


Chapter One: An Anomaly

22-year-old Anomaly Despair wrapped her soaking wet jacket around her a bit more tightly as it continued to rain. It was always raining in Washington, and on a cold October night like this one it was no different. The rain just never seemed to stop.

She was well aware of the fact that she needed to get inside. If she stayed out here in the cold, she was going to get sick, and Anomaly absolutely hated being sick. She was the type of person who enjoyed being productive, not laying around and being lazy when she had something she needed to do. And being confined to bed for a few days eating only soup and watching movies was far from her personal idea of what was fun.

The dark and angry sky cracked with lightning and boomed with thunder, and Anomaly almost jumped at how loud it was. Two booms. The lightning was two miles away. She sincerely hoped she was inside before it got any closer. A young girl, probably around seventeen, opened the door from the building she was in and beckoned for Anomaly to come in. Anomaly walked hurriedly across the street and inside. The girl shut the door behind her.

“Thank you so much,” Anomaly said, shaking the water off her hair, which was wet despite the fact that she had had a hood on. “It's pouring out there.”

“No problem,” the girl said with a smile. She had light brown hair that stopped halfway down her neck and blue eyes. She stuck out her hand. “I'm Violet. And you?”

“I'm Anomaly Despair,” Anomaly said, and shook her hand. She noticed the surprised look on Violet's face, and laughed. “Sorry. My hand's all wet.”

“Oh, it's, it's not that,” Violet said with a little laugh, that seemed a bit confused and as though her thoughts had just gone elsewhere. “It was just that you have quite an interesting name.”

“Ah. Right. I suppose I do, don't I?” She gave a small smile. “I hear that a lot.”

After a short silence, Violet looked up, as if her mind had just returned to the here and now. “Oh, sorry, I forgot; would you like me to take your coat? There's a dryer in the back, and I can throw it in there for you if you want.”

“That would be wonderful, actually,” Anomaly said as she pulled off her dripping jacket, taking her phone out of the pocket first. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome,” she said as she took Anomaly's jacket. “Well, I have a bit of work left to do still once I put this in the dryer, but you can stay and sit until the rain has gone, if you'd like. I'm just going to be making phone calls and pretending I know what I'm doing on this computer.” With that, she turned and headed to the back.

Anomaly walked over to where the chairs were, set her phone on the table, and sat down, resting her head against the window with a sigh. It had been a long day. She had had to stop another group of lunatics who had thought it would be funny to attack the normal people who, unlike herself and quite a few others – including the lunatics – didn't have or know about magic. She had gotten up and left at five in the morning to go chase those idiots earlier. And she had been chasing them all day since then, and ended up in the rain, to the point where she had been forced to walk. In a way, it was her job to stop them, to help keep magic a secret, as one of the Seven Sorcerers – the seven single most powerful people in the entire world. She was one of the few who used their extraordinary levels of magic for good, and as such, it meant she was usually the one being asked to go after people who needed to have someone after them. Anomaly liked helping. It made her feel like she had a good purpose.

Violet had walked back in and gotten to work. After searching through her computer a bit, she seemed to have found whatever it was she was looking for and picked up the phone and quickly dialled a number. When whoever was on the other line had answered, Violet spoke in a quiet but slightly serious tone, at a volume as though she didn't want Anomaly to here. Not that it mattered, Anomaly thought. She was probably just talking to her manager or something.

Anomaly let out a deep breath, leaned back in the black leather chair, and closed her eyes. God, she was tired. She slowly opened her eyes again and fixed her gaze onto a spot on the ceiling, and stared at it while she let her mind wander. The ceiling was white and bumpy, aside from this little spot on it, which had turned to a weird brown colour, probably from moisture or something like that. In her peripheral vision she could see that the walls were a dark tan, and the window panes were cream. She let her head fall forward, and her dark blonde hair fell in front of her slightly freckled face. She closed her eyes again.

“Um, Anomaly?”

Anomaly's eyes snapped open at the mention of her name. She relaxed when she saw it was only Violet, who had walked over. The rain had stopped.

“Did I fall asleep?” Anomaly asked with a yawn.

“I'm fairly certain you did,” Violet responded. She handed Anomaly her jacket, which was dry now. “It's time for me to go now, so...”

“Oh! Sorry!” Anomaly stood up and put her jacket on. “I need to get home too. I've got a lot of work to do tomorrow. Thanks for letting me stay.” She sincerely doubted that Violet had any idea what sort of 'work' she was talking about, but what she said was true. She never knew what exactly she had to do, but she knew she always had something.

“It was no bother,” Violet assured her, and grabbed her coat off the hook and shut off the lights as Anomaly opened the door and stepped out. Once she was sure Anomaly wasn't in sight any more, she reached into her pocket, pulled out Anomaly's phone that she had taken, and looked at it. Making sure it actually belonged to Anomaly Despair, she set it down, turned the lights back on, took her coat off, and got back to work, but on something completely different than before.

Anomaly shivered while she walked down the street. October really wasn't a warm month, particularly at night. In all honesty, it wasn't her favourite time of the year to be taking a walk. She heard laughter from the next block over, and it was getting closer. She hid behind a building while she waited for it to pass.
The laughter seemed to be coming from a teenage girl. As the girl got closer, she could hear someone else.

“...Please, don't. You don't have to do this. Really. Please.” The other voice sounded scared; terrified.

“Oh, but I'm afraid I do,” the girl said with fake sympathy. “Sorry about that. But not really, I assure you.”

“Don't. No. Don't!” The plea was cut off abruptly and there was a thump. Anomaly frowned. Something was wrong.

She moved away from the wall of the building, and looked around. She kept her breathing quiet. Something was definitely not right.

She stepped out of the shadows and stifled a gasp. There was a man on the ground. Right in front of her. Anomaly reached down to check his pulse.


He must have been who had been pleading earlier. But then what about the teenage girl? Anomaly's eyes narrowed.

She was the killer. She had to be.

Anomaly straightened up, was about to turn around when –

“Ah, hello there.”

She froze, and turned – slowly. A girl was standing there, arms crossed, with an eyebrow arched. She couldn't have been any older than thirteen. Anomaly was too wary to reply.

“What, are you too scared to say anything back?” the girl asked sarcastically. Her skin was extraordinarily pale, and her black hair and clothes were blending in with her surroundings. “No? Oh, okay, I guess you're just in shock. Because there is, you know, a dead guy on the floor in front of you. Or maybe you're just a bit wary of me.” She gave Anomaly a mischievous grin. 

Anomaly blinked. She hadn't been expecting that. “Well, I feel I have the right to be wary of a pale girl wandering around this late, conveniently right next to a body. Wouldn't anyone be suspicious?”

“I suppose that could make sense.” She had a slight Irish accent. “However, doesn't that give me the right to be wary of you?”

“It does. And yet you're the one who started the conversation.”

“True, true. Hey, I have a question for you. If these were your last words, what would you say?”

Anomaly took a step back. “I'd have to think about it.”

“Ah, well, that's a shame. I don't usually give anyone time to think.”

Anomaly didn't even have time to blink before a fist connected with her jaw. She stumbled back, shocked, and raised her arms in front of her head to block the next one. A foot hit her in the side, and she took another step backwards, trying to regain her balance. She felt someone kick her feet out from under her, and she fell over.

The girl was standing over her. It was obviously her who had attacked her. She didn't look like she regretted it. Anomaly didn't think she would. In fact, she was even cracking a smile.

“Who the hell are you?” Anomaly asked, rubbing her jaw and sitting up. She figured it was best not to stand up, but hopefully sitting wouldn't do any damage.

The girl thought for a moment. “I guess it couldn't hurt to tell, on account of the fact that you'll be dead in a few moments. Killer and naturally brilliant Ivy Animosity, at your service,” Ivy said with a bow.

“Well, hello Ivy. I've thought of my last words,” Anomaly said to her.

“Oh really? And what might they be?”

“It's just one word, actually.” She smiled. “Dodge.”

Anomaly held up her hand in front of her and a ball of green light shot out of it, hitting Ivy and sending her sprawling. She really did love being able to use magic for whatever was convenient to her. Anomaly leaped up. Ivy rolled, but rather than rolling away, she came closer, leaped up and kicked Anomaly in the stomach. Anomaly doubled over. God, she kicked hard. Ivy took a few steps back, putting some space between them.

“Nice magic trick,” Ivy said, brushing dirt out of a bleeding scrape on her arm.

“Yeah, and nice kick,” Anomaly replied, holding her ribs, which must have gotten hit at the same time as her stomach. “It wasn't a trick, though.”

“Oh, trust me, of all people, I would know. I've got plenty of fun little tricks too.” Ivy held up her hand and a stream of indigo blue light shot out and hit Anomaly, throwing her backwards, and hitting her head on the pavement. Stunned that Ivy had magic too, she lay there, attempting to get to her feet, when she heard something in the distance.

Police sirens.

She heard Ivy mutter a swear, but when she looked up it was only in time to see a flash of blue and Ivy was gone. Taking a quick glance around, making sure Ivy was nowhere near and no one was watching, Anomaly stood up with a groan, gave herself a moment to rest, and, using magic again, she teleported away.

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